Battling with cancer is no joyus trip in anyones books. We have all known at least one person that has. My sister has had her fair share of challenging the cancer demons, has reached recession a few times, only to have it return. She is in recession again. Fingers crossed it stays that way. She has two beautiful girls, a wonderful fiance`, and far too much of her life ahead of her to let it win. I’d rather the cancer took me over her.

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There is nothing wrong with falling in love, there is nothing wrong with needing another persons love.
Just always be honest with your partner, and always always always communicate your problems – no matter how much you think they might upset them, because you can work through what you know, you can’t do crap about what you dont know.

I know i’ll come back to this

We try to lead logical responsible lives.
We try and keep ourselves safe from anguish and pain.
But sometimes our hearts take over.
Sometimes our hearts lead us to places we never dreamed we’d be.
Our hearts are tender, and can make us feel alive, and confused and angry, and at peace all at once.

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I was told to listen to a song several months ago, and I never got around to it.
Which is unusual for me, because I am always first in line to hear songs suggested by others.

My dad came home with a CD that was compiled for him by one of his staff
They do little things for him ’cause he calls them his Super Stars.
Lets just say the charismatic side of my dad wins over the lassies.

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I made a new friend yesterday. He’s a LadyBug (logic, and a gutter mind has me believeing they can’t all be girls). I named him Squire.
He was waiting on me to come out today, for my morning cig and cup of coffee. He actually flew over to me and landed on my hand.
Either he is a trusting wee fella, or completely stupid.

I just stared at the little guy and wondered how such a small creature could have anything interesting going on in his short life. Where he was going? where he had been? did he have siblings? a girlfriend? did he still get on with his Ma and Pa? did he and all his friends have little pow wows together? and did he claim how the world wasn’t so harsh when he was knee high to a grasshopper?.. err, figure of speech

This was a perfect time to clear my mind, take a step back from this life I have created for myself, and make objective critisism on choices I made.

Im still unsure on certain folks I left behind in Texas. And I have come to the conclucion, if I don’t get a little honesty soon, that chapter will be closed for ever. People can’t dwell on stuff for too long. It’ll only eat them up inside (which is exactly what is happening), and make everything else seem miserable too. Beware the return of the beach balls

I’m not ready to take affirmative action quite yet, but when I do..”Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”……only kidding. I’m more of the..”Kay Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be…..” type gal.
But I don’t sit around and wait forever. Procrastination isn’t a bad thing when it comes to some personal decisions, but it’s darn annoying when it’s others doing it to you.

Each night, I make a wish upon a star (hmm, sounds like a song). Just a simple wish, but I can’t tell ya ’cause it wont come true. And I just smile. Something we should all make a habit of.

In every life you get some trouble, and when you worry you make it double, don’t worry, be happy….

You may have noticed I like reciting lyrics. I relate literally everything in my life to music. I listen hard to the lyrics, and try and get a feel for why they were written. Tis my passion, I say. And always will be.

Dave kindly gave me an mp3 player he was no longer using. Problem is, without driver disks, I can’t change the music on the memory card. S’ok though, I listen to what he uploaded to it, and marvell at how most is what I would have put on it myself, and giggle at the rest.

I’m in a wonderful mood. I apologize if some of my journals and rants have been a tad depressing. I just write how I feel at the time, and try not to overwork any of it, so as to hopefully give you a true insight on how I am really doing.

Anyway. just to be different. here is a poem I wrote in a couple minutes….

Out under the moon at night
Where the sky is clear
And the stars are bright

Pondering things that have passed me by
Missed opportunities
Life gone awry

In the depths of my heart
A little beat
For those that I part

Left behind as I face the world
All precious to me
Like the oyster’s pearl

Perhaps misguided as I make this path
Of new beginnings
A brand new start

Forcing myself to not turn back
Holding the tears
As I start to pack

Uncertainties on love, where I stand
Ever searching
For that place to land

Kirstine 19/02/01

I didn’t claim it to be masterpiece )